Bring Me a Higher Love
“… Worlds are turning and we're just hanging on. Facing our fear and standing out there alone. A yearning, and it's real to me. There must be someone who's feeling for me…” - Steve Winwood, Higher Love
Is It Love or Limerence?
Love can be transcendent, healing, and beautifully intense. But sometimes, what we perceive as love is actually something else—something rooted in longing, fantasy, and unmet emotional needs.
In the world of Twin Flames and spiritual connection, it’s easy to confuse true soul connection with a psychological experience called limerence. In this article, learn about what limerence is, why it happens, how to spot it, and most importantly, how to heal.
Limerence is a term coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe an intense, involuntary emotional state in which a person feels obsessed with another individual. It often includes obsessive thoughts, idealization, fantasy, and a strong desire for reciprocation. (Have you read my article about My Fake Twin Flame journey?)
Unlike love, which is based on mutual respect, growth, and shared values, limerence is rooted in craving. It’s not about the other person as they truly are—it’s about how they make you feel. This craving often masquerades as deep love, especially in Twin Flame dynamics, where the emotional and spiritual intensity is already heightened.
Why Limerence Happens
Limerence has both neurochemical and psychological roots:
Brain chemistry: Dopamine (pleasure), norepinephrine (excitement), and low serotonin (obsession) create the perfect storm for infatuation.
Unresolved wounds: People with anxious or avoidant attachment styles may be more prone to limerence.
Projection and fantasy: You may be falling in love with the idea of someone, rather than who they truly are.
Spiritual bypassing: In spiritual communities, intense emotions are often labeled as “Twin Flame signs” instead of being examined as emotional triggers.
Limerence vs. Twin Flame Connection
Here’s a side-by-side comparison to help clarify:
Chart: Limerence and Twin Flame contrasts
While the Twin Flame journey often begins with intense longing, a conscious connection involves self-growth, healing, and mutual awareness—not obsession or emotional chaos.
How to Recognize Limerence
You might be experiencing limerence if:
You replay conversations and interactions constantly.
You obsess over their social media, texts, or whereabouts.
You experience extreme highs and lows based on their attention.
You ignore red flags and over-idealize their traits.
You crave validation more than connection.
Healing from Limerence
The good news: limerence is not a life sentence. Healing is possible and liberating.
Self-inquiry: Ask yourself, “What am I really needing from this person?”
Build self-concept: Focus on your worth, identity, and desires outside of this connection.
Detach with love: It’s okay to release someone and still honor the impact they had.
Practice mindfulness: Bring awareness to your thought loops and shift back to the present.
Energy clearing: Use breathwork, movement, or energy healing to reclaim your power.
Creative transmutation: Channel the intensity into writing, art, or music, or other creative pursuits.
Community support: You are not alone. Find a coach, therapist, or spiritual guide who gets it.
Moving Forward: Conscious Love
The goal is not to harden your heart—but to soften into awareness. Conscious love is based on presence, emotional safety, spiritual alignment, and mutual effort. You deserve a connection where you don’t have to guess, chase, or ache. Real love feels like coming home, not surviving a storm.
If someone activates your deepest wounds, it may be a call inward, not a cue to chase them. Let the feelings surface, but don’t let them steer the ship.
Limerence can feel all-consuming, but it’s also a sacred mirror. It shows you where you are still seeking, still healing, and still growing. When you can discern the difference between obsession and connection, between craving and love, you free yourself.
Remember: your Twin Flame journey is ultimately a journey back to yourself. Healing your attachment wounds, practicing self-inquiry, and honoring your energy allows you to enter relationships as your whole, radiant self. And that is where the true magic begins.
More valuable resources
Get my free eBook, The Mindset Reset- it’s all about mindfulness and you are the magic!
Check out my blog. Informative articles on Twin Flames, Manifestation, Astrology, Attachment Style theory and more!
Book a session- If you need personalized support, I offer coaching sessions to guide you through core wound processing, Twin Flame dynamics, self-discovery, and Soul Alignment.
If you're struggling to see how your inner world influences your outer experiences, I highly recommend taking the Attachment Style quiz from the Personal Development School. and then read my article about Attachment Style Theory, Spiritual Journey and Twin Flames.
